Bisexual Health Food Store Employee Doesn't Know Shit


Lenox, MA - Local residents are saying bisexual health food store employee Tom Paulson doesn't know shit about the vitamins and supplements he recommends.

Whether he's bisexual is actually up for debate but one of Paulson's employees who wished to remain anonymous said that Paulson once told him he's omni-sexual and that if the vibe is right he doesn't care if it has a penis or a vagina. He also acts very gay, has eclectic jewelry and facial hair that spreads him across many spiritual faiths so it is difficult to safely call him heterosexual or homosexual.

When it comes to body health, however, the store's customers wished he would be more accurate with his recommendations.

"I thought I was dying," said shopper Rachel Topper. "I was having digestion issues and he gives me Niacin, which made all of my skin red. I went back in and told him he shouldn't be recommending things to people if he doesn't know what he's talking about and he said in his stupid voice 'Uh, I DO know what I'm talking about' and then tried to sell me Fish Oil."

"I've always had bad acne and traditional remedies weren't working so I thought I'd try a health alternative. That stupid asshole recommended something called Kava Kava to me, which it turns out is for anxiety, not acne. When I told him this he says to me 'Well if you were less anxious then you wouldn't care about your acne,' I was like, 'Seriously???'"

He was originally stationed as a checkout clerk but begged the manager to put him in the vitamins and supplements section as that is what he was trained in. Paulson's training refers to an online course he took but didn't finish called "Supplement Your Life," an introduction to how supplements can bolster your health.

"The online course is actually just an SEO thing we did to drive traffic to our site to sell vitamins," said course creator Jan Fredrickson, "It doesn't really tell you anything definitive."