Young Pretty Girl Decides Buddhism For Weird Old People

Chicago, IL - 25 yr old Stephanie Newcombe left a public Buddhist teaching called "How to Prepare for Death" ten minutes after it started. The teacher was a revered lama from Tibet who spent twenty-five years meditating in a Himalayan cave. He is said to have attained enlightenment and works ceaselessly for the benefit of all beings. After ten minutes, however, Newcombe had had enough.

"He was like 'we need to realize life is impermanent or whatever,' I was like you're weird, this class is weird, and so is everyone here. Then I met my friend, Julie, and we got wasted with some guys from Julie's office, two were hot, but this one guy was so gross and he kept talking to me so close like I'd ever be interested in him. I was like get away from me...

"I was so happy when he threw up on himself. One of the hot guys put him in a cab and then Julie and I made out with the two hot guys, then Julie and I made out, then we danced on the bar, and broke a bunch of glasses and spilled drinks on everyone, but nobody made a big deal about it...

"Then Julie and I went to this cool after party and there were tons of hot guys there too. We danced all night and did some ecstacy. I don't even remember how I got home. Then I went shopping the next day and bought the cutest shirt."

Newcombe was right that the Buddhist lama's teaching was indeed about the impermanence of life and that we shouldn't attach ourselves to this world as it is illusory. Unfortunately most of the attendees were over 65 and this created an awkward feeling for Newcombe.

"She asked me if we do this because we're so ugly," said Lorraine Barkman, a retired psychologist. "I told her it's to realize our true nature, which she told me was weird."

Newcombe apparently confused the real meaning of the word "death" with a cool club that recently opened up by the same name.