Man Claims To Be Humblest Student Of Guru


Scarsdale, NY - While milling about during a break on a teaching called "How to deal with anger and the negative emotions" led by an unnamed Indian Guru, devotee Steven Klein told devotee Margie Rothauser, 55, that he is the Guru's humblest student.

"I told him that's ridiculous and he's clearly the least humble of all of us. If anyone is the humblest it would probably be Gary, he lives in a studio apartment with a hot plate and meditates for five hours a day."

When we followed up with Gary, he said, “That’s ridiculous, I meditate for six hours a day.”

During the break Steven was seen eating carob chips and washing them down with unsweetened soy milk. A few students said he would not share, claiming low blood sugar as the reason.

Many of Klein's fellow devotees don't believe he actually likes carob. "I saw him eating a Twix outside 7-11 one night, but he never pulls out a Twix at teachings, always with the carob. Nobody likes carob. He's full of shit," said a devotee who wished to remain anonymous.

We called Klein for comment but he refused to speak on the phone, instead emailing us a YouTube video of himself walking slowly in a park, smiling at passersby. The videographer-now-ex-girlfriend was Stephanie Miller. “I filmed him a few times,” she said, “for a series he wanted to make called ‘This is Me’. I thought he had some presence when I first met him but I think I was just happy I finally found a man who ate carob, but I don't think he actually likes carob. I'm not sure I do either.”

This isn’t the first time Klein has been known to publicly claim humility. In August 2014 he was briefly employed as a hot yoga teacher. He was fired after his first class when students complained to management that the class did not involve any yoga but instead students were instructed to watch Klein meditate.

“He told us to look at how perfectly he sat while he said some Indian shit using prayer beads,” said Robert Polk. “He told us his posture was the essence of humility. We sat there for about twenty minutes until we started to file out.”

Klein's car has a sticker that says, “Humble baby on board.”