Fucking Idiot Signs Contract During Mercury Retrograde


Washington, DC - Though he knows you should never sign a contract while Mercury is in retrograde that is exactly what Harry Kingston, owner of a retail clothing chain, did last Friday, at the peak of Mercury retrograde.

The contract was with a fulfillment house to handle the shipping for the stores' online sales and chances are, given Mercury's nebulous yet reliable reputation, something unforeseen and very unfavorable is going to surface down the line.

"When you sign a new contract while Mercury is in retrograde it is likely that some detail you weren't aware of will surface later on and it will negatively affect the relationship in some way," said astrologer Francine Mountainside.

When Mountainside found out Kingston had signed a new contract during the peak of Mercury retrograde she whispered, "God save him" and crossed herself, despite her Wiccan beliefs.

"I not only signed a new contract," Kingston told Egobaby, "but I also bought a phone. I lost the phone that night. What the hell is wrong with me? Who do I think I am to battle with the great Mercury. I'm a fucking idiot is what I am."

You can sign a contract with someone from the past, with whom you've done business before, but if it's a new contract with a new contact you can be sure something is going to go wrong in the future. The fact that something always goes wrong - and right - in the future, that this is the way of life, did not bring any solace to Kingston.

"Yes, something goes wrong all the time," he told us in a phone interview, "but we're talking about Mercury here, a planet in space!" He has not left his house in a week and is in the process of dissolving his entire company.