Husband Burns With Rage After Wife Buys Non Organic Apples


Atlanta, GA - Husband Ethan Bueller raged at his wife last week when she returned home from the grocery store with non-organic apples.

"IF YOU CAN'T REMEMBER TO BUY THE ORGANIC APPLES THEN DON'T FUCKING BUY ME ANYTHING EVER AGAIN!" he was overheard screaming at his wife, Denise Bueller.

Neighbors of the Buellers have heard Ethan rage for hours over the non-organic apples his wife ignorantly purchases. "I heard him shout, 'Are you a fucking moron?!' at her one day," said one neighbor. "It's weird, because other than the apples he is a very nice man who never gets angry about anything else."

Mr. Bueller also has a tendency to make passive-aggressive snide comments regarding his wife's apple purchasing. Friends of the Buellers were at their house for a fun night of the game, Apples to Apples, when Ethan Bueller said to his wife, "Honey, you probably won't like this game, it involves apples," and then under his breath, "fucking idiot."

Mr. Bueller is apparently fearful of the pesticides sprayed on non-organic apples. Here is a short list of some of the things he has screamed at his wife:

WHY DON'T YOU JUST CUT THE TOP OF MY HEAD OPEN AND POUR A BOWL OF CANCER INSIDE?!?

NEXT TIME I REACH FOR AN APPLE WHY DON'T YOU JUST SPRAY MY EYES WITH POISON!?!

WHO ARE YOU, THE DEVIL?!?