Bear Mountain, NY - What began as a pleasant evening stroll through the woods last Saturday turned into a nightmare for vegan Larry Peters.
He had simply wanted to feel the spirit of the mountain at night before hitting the hay, but failed to bring his compass with him.
After about an hour into his walk he realized he had no idea where he was, no idea how to get back to the campgrounds, and there was not a soul in sight. The Bear Mountain rangers recommend not walking at night for this very reason.
While on his walk Peters was struck by how much the mountain smelled of shit. He figured various animals must have been doing their business shortly before.
Little did he know it was his own rectum that had been leaking a thin stream of diarrhea out of his shorts for the entire duration of his walk.
"I eat a lot of seitan, beans, tofu, and raw vegetables. I'm often going to the bathroom to clear my bowels. This is the first time it has saved my life," Peters told Egobaby.
Peters didn't immediately make the connection that this very trail of diarrhea would lead him back to his starting point.
"First I had to calm myself down. I was very afraid and thought I might have to sleep where I was and wait for daybreak. To make matters worse, despite the trail of diarrhea I had left behind me I also had to fully go to the bathroom right then and there, which was also diarrhea, in case you're interested."
Peters then realized he was the animal who lent the mountain an air of shit.
"That's when the light bulb went off in my head. I turned my flashlight on and I was able to make out the trail of diarrhea I had been leaking the whole time. It brought me home to my family. I wish I could say I learned my lesson but I ate two bowls of adzuki bean stew before going to bed. But I'm not afraid anymore."