Vegan Co-Op Resident Forgot To Buy More Mung Bean


Madison, WI – At the local vegetarian co-op residents rotate responsibilities on a weekly basis. This past week it was Rebecca Kinsey’s job to ensure the legumes were properly stocked. The red beans, kidney beans, lentils and garbanzos were all replenished but the mung bean jar sat on the shelf conspicuously empty.

“It was really sad and Jane hasn’t stopped crying for days since she saw the jar,” said Bob Kelly, who has been working on his dissertation for thirty-four years. Kelly moved into the co-op ten years ago, when his former roommates kicked him out of their apartment due to body odor (his, not theirs). “And just when I was making headway on my dissertation too.”

“To not replenish the mung bean jar is a real fuck you to the rest of us, who take our jobs seriously at the co-op,” said Jake Richman, naked at the time of this interview while smoking hash in front of his daughter.

Kinsey has maintained that it was an honest mistake. She is new to the co-op and still getting used to its rigidity. “To be honest I am not familiar with mung bean. When I went to the supermarket I just plain forgot as it’s not something I’m accustomed to buying. I said I’d go back and get it but nobody would make eye contact with me.”

The co-op board is meeting this weekend over bong hits and mushrooms to determine if she is the right fit.