Divine Feminine Energy Won’t Stop Flowing Through Man Despite Best Efforts


Bozeman, MT – Phil Beckett came back from his tantric dance seminar in Hawaii full of positive energy, however this positive energy has not stopped undulating through him for weeks.

Friends of Beckett say it’s getting a little weird at this point. They’ll be sitting with him at lunch and his body will be slinking around like a woman in a trance.

“It’s not me,” said Beckett, “It’s this godforsaken divine feminine energy that is flowing through me and won’t stop. I caught it from someone in Hawaii and I can’t get rid of it. At first it felt nice but I work in an office. Last week I had a meeting with a new client and it took every effort not to ride this man like a dolphin.”

The divine feminine energy of which Beckett speaks is a particular brand of tantric dance geared to circulate one’s life force through the body. It serves to awaken us to our higher self; which is all fine and good until you find yourself on the dance floor at your cousin’s wedding involuntarily stealing the show from the bride and groom.

“Wasn’t cool what Phil did,” said Beckett’s cousin, Danny. “My wife and I are enjoying our first dance at our wedding when out of nowhere comes Phil gliding around the dance floor like some kind of boneless creature, like some kind of human plankton. We spent two thousand dollars on dance lessons for nothing.”

Beckett would like nothing more than to exorcise this divine feminine presence from his being but nothing has worked. In the meantime he has limited his business interactions to audio Skype and is wearing a corset full-time to limit movement.