Buddhist Protector Deity Says It Won't Protect Rick Anymore


Alternate Astral Plane, Universe - A guardian deity in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition who asked to remain anonymous said it would no longer protect Rick O'Connor, of Derry, NH.


The deity said time after time O'Connor has made it increasingly difficult for the deity to support him in his endeavors, whether it be windsurfing or making a presentation at work.


"Frankly, I'm sick of his shit," said the deity. "Time after time I've created auspicious circumstances for Rick only for him to blow it because of some lame excuse."

Some of the instances the deity is referring to are:

• Putting Rick in an elevator with a perfectly compatible woman for him but Rick took one look at her and thought in his head, "Too bony."

• Getting him a first class upgrade when he was initially bumped on his scheduled flight only for Rick to complain to the guy sitting next to him the entire flight about how late he was going to get in, even though he had no pressing appointments.

• Saving his job during a round of layoffs only for Rick to assume he was saved based on the merit of his work when it was clear many that got fired were better than he, and Rick's work is subpar at best.

"Believe me, I'm happy that Rick found Buddhism," the deity told Egobaby, "But I just wish he had found some other deity to pray to. Every morning he's reciting my mantra. I allegedly have a spiritual duty to protect anyone who recites my mantra and prays to me, but I'm making a new ABR rule: Anyone But Rick. 'Guy wouldn't know gratitude if it slapped his dick at a glory hole."