Zen Buddhist Infuriating Everyone By Always Speaking In Short Statements

Wauwatosa, WI - Friends of Alan Nowak are growing increasingly annoyed that no matter the topic or circumstance, Nowak's conversational style is always in short seemingly zen-like statements.

If a friend suggests catching a movie, Nowak responds, "The motion pictures us moving, corn that is popped."

If a friend asks for Nowak's opinion on Trump, he'll respond, "Presidents are like the wind, where is it?"

Even Nowak's mother can't take it anymore. "I asked him if he was coming to Thanksgiving this year and he said 'I am here and so are you.' How does that help me to know how much food to buy?"

It hasn't helped Nowak in his customer service job either. Customers call for help and he responds, "You have everything you need."

He's apparently slowly erasing his existence. When asked to comment, he told Egobaby, "Comment."