Dating A Vegan Is Impossible...And You Can Too!


When I started dating my vegan girlfriend, I made plenty of mistakes.

On our first date, I ordered a tray of buffalo wings, which vegans apparently don't appreciate. I ate the entire tray by myself while my girlfriend puked in the bathroom.

She also didn't appreciate my dipping my fingers in a to-go container of wing sauce on the ride home. Talk about high maintenance.

I made mistakes like this all the time at the beginning of our relationship. I once proudly showed her a picture of me holding a huge striped bass. She cried and wouldn’t talk to me for the next three hours. I tried to tell her it was my nephew, but she said my nephew doesn't look like THAT type of fish.

One time, she showed me a video on Instagram of a fox being clubbed over the head, while I was eating a top sirloin. I told her I wasn’t eating a fox sirloin and she responded, “That’s not the point,” whatever that means.

It also seems humans don't count as animals. We passed a neighbor of mine with terminal cancer walking his dog. When I told her he only had a few weeks to live she replied, “Poor dog.”

The silver lining of dating a vegan is that it narrows down the choices of where you can eat, which means less arguing. There's one restaurant we meet half way on where she orders a burger without the burger: it's just a bun with lettuce, tomato, onion, and vegan mayonnaise that she brings with her.

Look, if you truly love someone, you’ll adapt. And if all else fails, do what I do and eat a full meal before meeting up with your vegan partner for dinner.

Written by Skinny Cool Kid.