It's Not Prayer, It's Called Meditation, Asshole


Hey listen man, I’m not praying. I know what praying is. I was in youth group until I was 23, so you can back off right now. It’s called meditation, asshole.

Believe me, I know the difference. I spent years of my life praying to a god that doesn’t exist, turning my prayer book to page one hundred and whatever. You know where that got me? Porn. But that’s another story.

What you saw me doing is med-i-ta-tion. Means I’m relaxing in the fucking moment and letting my thoughts dissolve into empty space. Do I really have to explain the difference to you?

Try to get this through your thick skull:

Prayer - you pray with words and thoughts for a desired result.

Meditation - you rest in the goddamn moment and don’t get attached to your fucking thoughts.

You think I’m like those religious assholes that selfishly utilize a tool for achieving inner peace as a means of releasing themselves from the consequences of their own overbearingly holier-than-thou behavior?

FIRST OF ALL, I'M NOT.

SECOND OF ALL, I'M NOT EVEN SURE WHAT I MEANT BUT THAT'S BETWEEN ME AND THE UNIVERSAL CONSCIOUSNESS FROM WHICH ALL FORMS ARISE.

Thanks for disturbing my root chakra. Really appreciate that. Now I have to go sit in the same position on my floor for twelve hours until I can feel okay about this comparison you made. And you can rest assured I won't be praying.