Earth's most trusted ally turned a dark corner this past week when it became The Illuminati's newest member. It is the first planet to join the secret society known for its alleged hold on the psyche and politics of the entire planet of Earth.
Critics are saying The Illuminati's expansion to include the moon into the organization is an attempt to keep an even closer, watchful eye on Earth, who is never to be trusted. After all, who better than the moon than to watch Earth from a distance for any foul play?
One spokesperson for Earth, who wished to remain anonymous, said, "This is a disgraceful moment in interplanetary history."
"The moon has always been Earth's ally and we have had a long trusting relationship," said the spokesperson, "but if it is going to join the ranks of The Illuminati and start covertly killing humans and controlling various governments around the planet for world domination it has another thing coming. We brought the moon into our orbit and we can just as fast kick it out."
The moon meanwhile has remained mysteriously silent throughout and continues its orbit around Earth while still allegedly attending meetings in the basement of mansions belonging to the Rothchilds and Rockefellers, who are eager to use the moon to attract alien beings with the sole purpose of mating humans and aliens to create a new breed of homosapien that will one day rule the earth, and are perhaps ruling it already.