Someone Is Murdering My Neighbors, So I'll Send Them My Thoughts And Prayers

For the third time this year, burglars have sneaked into my neighbors’ house and attacked them with various firearms and semi-automatic weapons. As I sat in my living room, I could hear the loud noises and blood-curdling screams. Of course, I did the only thing a good, Christian neighbor would do in a situation like this: I sent them my thoughts and prayers.

Now, some people would call 911 and ask for help. That way, the criminals would be stopped and at least some of the Jones family would survive into the morning. This may seem like a logical course of action, especially since I could hear the family’s invalid grandmother screaming for my help through their kitchen window.

Ultimately, though, I decided that it simply wasn’t the time or place to call 911. The Jones family was experiencing a real tragedy—getting murdered and all—and emotions were just too high for me to get all political and ask for help from the police.

So, of course, I sat silently in my living room and sent the Jones family my sincerest thoughts and prayers.

I could see that Mrs. Jones, a housewife and mother of three, was able to make it through the front door and onto her porch. I could tell that she was bleeding profusely. She saw me through my living room window and reached her red-stained hands toward me. She tried to tell me something, but I couldn’t make out the words.

In response, I opened my window a few inches and shouted to her, “It’s okay, Mrs. Jones! I’m sending you my thoughts and prayers.”

Then she was shot again, this time in the back of the head.

The next morning, I found out that all of the Jones family had been murdered, aside from their youngest daughter Traci. She’s in a medically induced coma, which sounds promising. I guess my thoughts and prayers were successful after all!

It’s just a shame that these unavoidable tragedies keep happening.

Evan Purcell is an English teacher in beautiful Bumthang, Bhutan. He also writes romance novels of varying levels of trashiness. You can read about his writing and travel at