How To Die Already


Humans have never been comfortable with death, but what's to fear really?

Losing your body and becoming detached from the world as you know it?

Saying goodbye to your friends and family and the identity you painstakingly carved out for yourself to float into a sea of potential blackness or light depending on your positive and negative karma?

So what. Try living in Los Angeles.

Death can actually be a rewarding experience. Don't make a big deal out of it.

Here are some tips on how to die with grace, peace, joy, and laughter...

1. When you say goodbye to people in your daily life pretend it's forever. Get a head start on letting go by internally saying goodbye to everything you know and love now. After you've had coffee with a friend and they say "Had a great time, see you later," you can say, "Yeah, see you later," and then in your head finish that goodbye with, "Much Later."

2. Imagine death coming at you at every turn in your daily life. Every day presents 24 hours of opportunity to prepare for death. When you cross the street imagine a truck coming out of nowhere and slamming into your body. If you're walking down the street imagine someone sticking a knife in your back. When death does come for you it might not be as shocking and that will be nice.

3. When you go to bed assume you won't wake up. We all know the prayer, "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take." Bravo! Fantastic! By all means do pray for the lord to take your soul! Sleep is your best similacrum for death. You can really get into it each night by saying "Here we go" out loud.

4. Imagine your funeral and how much everyone would miss you. Granted, this is a tad narcisstic, but you get a pass given that we're dealing with death. So go ahead, imagine your funeral and all the great speeches your friends and family would give. Wouldn't you like to see that? You can when you're dead, floating above them, wondering why no one can hear you or see you. That part's not great, but the funeral part's fun, right?

5. Try stand up comedy. Telling a joke on stage to a silent room full of people will make you feel right at home with death. You might even see the grim reaper in the back of the room some nights. After a year or two you'll feel ready to leave this world.