How To Raise A Spiritual Child

You don't want to make the same mistakes your parents made. You already went through the grueling process of discovering your own spirituality, going to yoga classes, learning about meditation, health food, how much kale to eat, the benefits of hemp, communal living, polyamory, that to get love you must give love, etc etc.

So why should your child have to go through the same process as you did and discover it all on their own?

Get them started on the spiritual path today, whether they like it or not. Instill that meditation practice, the commitment to enlightenment and a love for carrot juice now so that maybe they become your spiritual teacher when you're on the precipice of death.

Here are the crucial ingredients to raising a spiritual child:

1. Never punish them. If they're never punished they will never know right from wrong. This narcissism and self-focus will give them the strength to follow their own path. It could also work against them should the narcissism breed clinginess and a fear of abandonment, insult, and paranoia. But then, it might not.

2. Give them a spiritual name. Eagle Boy. Sky Child. Circle of Truth. Magic Whisper. Open Field. Kindness Jackson. Big Heart Girl. Open Mind Schwartz. Something like this. Or maybe just "Dashel." But for god's sake don't just give them "John" or "Mike." Guru Mike? I don't think so.

3. Encourage nudity. You should be walking around naked all the time around your child. They need to feel proud of their body to become spiritual and non-judgmental. Let them watch you have sex so they understand what love-making looks like.

4. Flatline them once. To give them a sense of death and the preciousness of life make them go through at least one flatline so they experience the afterlife.

5. Make them clean bathrooms. You have to breed humility somehow so they have that sense of honor associated with work. Don't let them get too high and mighty. They should never feel like they're better than a toilet. After all, they are a toilet. Hell, we all are.

6. Leave them in a graveyard overnight. They need to fully understand the stages of life early so they don't get any misconceptions about enjoying the life ahead of them. Let them know that death awaits and that they are no different from those under the ground.