How To Stay Mindful When Seething With Rage

We've all been there. Something small happens and something inside us ignites.

It could be a family enjoying their breakfast, rubbing their communal love in your lonely face.

Maybe you overheard a snippet of someone's conversation as you walked by them and thought, "Fucking asshole, talking to their friend."

Maybe someone was typing on their computer that was resting on the food tray behind your plane or train seat.

Or maybe someone simply invited you to their comedy show.

The point is, anything can send us into a raging tailspin, ass on fire, eyes dripping blood. It's important to center yourself during these times and practice remaining calm, resting in the moment, and breathing love from your heart. Easier said than done.

Here are some tips to help you expand your heart:

1. Tear a magazine to bits. Grab the nearest magazine and tear the fuck out of it. Rip that bitch to shreds. Page by page, destroy it. Tear it right down the center of its stupid bitch-ass.

2. Watch the movie, "The Beach." While not a great movie, Leo's voiceovers about being on vacation have a mysteriously soothing effect on the mind. The movie also shows us that even a utopian society on a secret island eventually falls to pieces, like everything else.

3. Sit in the silence of the dark. Not forever, just for like an hour. Just sit there and let the darkness envelop you. It's also a great way to develop your other senses.

4. Duck into an olive oil tasting store. They'll let you try as many olive oils as you want on tiny little spoons. I dare you to stay rageful while tasting a basil infused olive oil.

5. Hum Africa's "Toto" to yourself. The melody has a way of calming the mind. Cry out in the night vicariously through the wild dogs in the song.

6. Take up running but then don't. Research has shown that merely choosing to incorporate exercise into your life can improve your mood and help with the negative emotions. No need to go the distance. You don't have to go to a gym, buy new clothes, and muster the energy. Just consider it and wait for the storm to pass.

If none of these - you really are one angry son of a bitch.