How To Tolerate Meat-Eaters When You Became Vegan Yesterday

Congratulations! You presumably just watched Forks Over Knives, What the Health, Food Inc, and Fast Food Nation and you've made the wise choice to be vegan.

That was the easy part. The hard part comes next: how the hell are you going to tolerate these terrible disgusting people that still eat meat even though you don't?

The first questions that will come to mind are:

  • How can they possibly still be eating meat when you just watched these documentaries and have wisely made the switch to vegetarian?

  • Is this against me in some way? It sure feels like it.

The answers are:

A) They're disgusting, that's why.

B) Yes, it's against you; that's why it feels like it.

So, you can either choose to not deal with anyone who isn't vegan or you can try and tolerate the worst, most disgusting, putrid people in the world: meat-eaters. If you chose the latter, here are some tips on how to tolerate them:

1. Use the phrase "I used to eat meat too." This calms the primitive nervous system of the beast sitting across from you. It lets them know the two of you aren't so different, or weren't at one point, until you skyrocketed ahead of them in the spiritual, evolutionary ladder.

2. Think of them as mentally ill. These people look like normal, mentally sound people, but they are anything but. Have compassion. They are mentally ill, sick, vile, disgusting creatures who should be shot dead and eaten themselves by a swarm of rabid chickens and diseased pigs.

3. Show Don't Tell. Don't outright say, "You shouldn't eat meat." Do other things like raise your eyebrows when they order steak. Drop little comments like, "Are you going to eat that?" or "Does that taste good?" If you're feeling like you might have a potential convert on your hand, ask, "Do you like documentaries?"

4. Don't be afraid to eat their leftovers. Look, a little meat isn't going to hurt you. The important thing is that you understand how the meat industry is tied into greedy lobbyists, is destroying the planet, is ethically cruel, creates disease in humans, and on and on. You know it, they don't, so what harm is it going to cause anyone if you eat the scraps off their plate? The stupid animal's dead anyway.