Seminar: Find The Right Milk Alternative For Professional Success

Everyone knows that if you want to move ahead in your career you need to drink the right milk for your body.

Regular whole milk or skim milk or low-fat milk is going to keep you tethered to the world of delusion, and by that we mean hard, difficult bowel movements.

When you're in a job interview and you're being asked to describe a time when you faced a challenge and how you overcame it, how are you going to find the right words when a hard, difficult bowel movement is tearing you up inside? Good luck.

If you weren't alive until now you would have been out of luck, but thankfully there is now a seminar being given by the Professionals for Ultimate Success (PUS) where they teach you how to find the right milk, not only for your body, but so you can move up in your field.

Here is but a sample of some of the imperative lessons you will learn from the seminar:

• Grow manly soy breasts and score your dream marketing position by driving your male superiors mad with lust.

• Coconut matcha lattes will make people think you're Japanese - let them, and then become head programmer, even if you don't know what you're doing.

• Use the bone strength provided by almond milk to crush the bones of your coworkers with your hands, literally. Many CEOs have risen to the top by pulverizing their competition into bone dust with their bare hands. For some reason, this is not seen as murder in the eyes of the law but rather healthy marketplace competition.

• Rice milk helps prevent premature aging. We live in an ageist society. While everyone around you slowly decays you'll be Benjamin Buttoning right past them.

Price: $1375! Lactose-intolerant? More like failure-intolerant!