5 Signs Your Yoga Teacher Wants To Fuck You

Yoga teachers are just like you and me. They eat, sleep, breathe, and they feel things. Sexual things. Just like you do. So why wouldn't they have favorites in class?

There may come a day when you get a sense that your yoga teacher might feel differently towards you than the other yogis. You may not be able to put your finger on it, despite them having their finger on you - or in you (a sure sign they like you!) - but you know you feel something.

While there are many ways a yoga teacher may show carnal affection towards a student, the following are the five most common. If you find yourself on the receiving end of any of these you can be sure your yoga teacher wants to fuck you.

1. They Call You By Your Full Name

Sue becomes Susan. Alli becomes Allison. Mike becomes Michael. Rose becomes Rosetta. You get the idea. So if you're a Matt and you hear, "Beautiful pose, Matthew" what you're really hearing is, "Fuck me after class."

2. They Adjust You Mid-Pose When You Don't Need It & Someone Else Does

If you're in downward dog and your yoga teacher comes over to pull your hips up, that's a sign they may want to fuck you. Particularly if the person next to you is sweating their balls off while holding the worst downward dog you've ever seen; you can even see their face screaming, "Why don't you lift my hips?!" If they keep their hands on your hips, it's because it's the closest they can get to your genitals without actually touching them.

3. They Lie Down Next To You During Shavasana

You're relaxing after a challenging class, letting your body and mind go where it wants, not grasping, when all of a sudden you feel the body heat of another envelop you. You open your eyes and your yoga teacher's eyes are staring into yours. I mean, do you really need us to tell you your yoga teacher wants to fuck you? They're practically fucking you already!

4. They Ask You To Demonstrate A Pose For The Class

This may not be the way into your pants, but your yoga teacher doesn't necessarily know that. They're appealing to your ego's sensibility, and your ego loves it, and your ego won't mind driving the sex boat if need be. You may not even have great form, but you're going to be so flattered - "Who, little old me?" - that you might not even realize what's happening as they pour you a cup of green tea after class, when everyone's gone. We'll tell you what's happening: you're about to be fucked by your yoga teacher.

5. They Ask You To Lead The OM At The Beginning Of Class

"Would you please lead us in an OM?" they might ask you. "Holy cow, me?! I'M going to lead the OM?" Your mind is going to be spinning. Your loins are going to awaken. "I must be enlightened!" you think. Nah, your yoga teacher just wants to fuck you is all. Go ahead, lead the OM. Belt it out. Feel spiritual. Get into it. Tap into the primordial sound of the universe. No one says you shouldn't. Certainly not your yoga teacher, who's letting your OM pulsate through their chakras.

If you want to fuck your yoga teacher then this will be a great corroboration for your own sexual intuition. If you don't want to fuck your yoga teacher then consider these warning signs.