The economy isn’t doing great. Insurance is a scam and getting treated at an actual hospital is super expensive.
It’s no wonder people are turning to natural ways of healing the body. And the best part is there's no need to spend money on fancy new crystals, high end treatments, or the most essential of oils.
I’m going to show you the six easiest ways to save money and heal your body the way nature intended.
1. Breatharian - This one is so simple, I made my dog do it, and he is much calmer now. Sure, he doesn’t move much, but I’m sure he’s a lot healthier. Being a breatharian is learning to live off of the air that we breathe. Say goodbye to your grocery bill! At first, yes, it’s going to be a struggle, almost like you’re drowning, but you will find that it gets much easier, and eventually you succumb to it, like a drowning victim.
2. Urine Therapy - Urine Therapy sound gross at first, until you realize that it’s your urine that you’re using, so maybe don’t act so high and mighty. Urine is a common cure for many things (or so I’ve read). Have pink eye? Squeeze some piss in your eye. Weird rash? Give the rash a golden shower. Want your skin to look brighter? R. Kelly yourself. Sure, the smell may attract flies and homeless people, but it’s better than attracting Jehovah’s Witnesses.
3. Naturopathy - Naturopathy is a great way to make your depression disappear. It’s as easy as going into the forest! Just make sure it’s not the Suicide Forest. Just taking a stroll through nature is sure to make you not want to take a stroll to the nearest bridge and throw yourself off.
4. Herbal Medicine - You’re probably growing a bunch of medicine in your garden that you didn't even know about! This will save you the hassle of going to the pharmacy to get Advil, which is just a mind control pill put forth by the Deep State. Just take a heaping handful of whatever is in your garden and eat it. It will probably heal whatever is ailing you. Nevermind about actual medicine. In no time you’ll start feeling great, or you’ll die because you accidentally ingested poison ivy.
5. Chromotherapy - We all lack balance in our energy sometimes and that’s why we feel off, or sick. Hell, I even blame it on my kid's broken arm, but I don’t feel like going to the doctor to get things checked out because it costs money. That’s where chromotherapy comes into play. This one is all about using different colored lights to balance the energy in our bodies and cure it. I’ve been shining a red light on my son for a few days and now he’s just shaking, so I have to assume this method is working.
6. Affirmative Prayer - Look, I don’t have a religion, because I like to stay fluid. If I hear about some new belief that beats out my old belief, I'm in. That’s why affirmative prayer is so great. It doesn’t mean you need to pray to a deity; rather, in lieu of praying for something bad not to happen, you pray for a positive outcome. Let me tell you, it saves you a lot of money and a lot of stress. I prayed for my electric bill to cost nothing this month and they shut off my electric. So now, no more electric bill! It looks like fate has me in its favor.
Written by Ryan Curtiss.