Dead Beat



Dear Cosmic Celeste,


I work as a Dominatrix in New York City. I really love what I do, especially because I’ve always had the strange desire to kick a dude’s balls and now I’ve found the perfect outlet to do so. Many of my clients are middle-aged men who like the run of the mill package (some spanking, spitting, or degrading names, you know, the ushe).


But for the past month, I’ve picked up a new client that makes my job a little tricky. He’s an eighty two year old man and every time I have to hurt or dominate him in any way, something breaks inside of him - not emotionally, physically. I’m nervous I might send him to the hospital or the grave.


But I don’t want to get rid of him as a client because he pays really good money. I think he’s the inventor of the adhesive on the inside of envelopes or something. What do I do, Celeste? I don’t want to get charged with manslaughter!


Best,

BDS-Murder in the 3rd Degree



Bonjour BDS-Murder in the 3rd Degree!


Oh boy. That is quite the pickle. But don’t you worry, I’ve come across this issue before and I was able to beat it! Well, not beat the person ... but you know what I mean.


Listen honey, if this man has come to you for some good ass whoopin’ then you’ve got to deliver. And when I say deliver, I mean rip out his intestines if that’s what he wants. That might be going too far, however, if you get him to sign a sex contract, then anything is fair game.


But you need to get him to sign it in blood. I know, I know. You’re thinking, “Isn’t using blood super unhygienic?” To which I say, “Maybe." But this could save a life. Well, not his life. But your life so you don’t end up on death row for spanking an old man to his literal death.


Get him to sign the contract, then you have full proof that he approved of your sexual roughness. Win win. Then you’re in the clear. Take his money and cane his old man butt.


And due to the contract, he can’t come back to haunt you either. Something like this happened to my best friend, Meadow, and let’s just say, the Vatican couldn’t even help. I hope this works for you!


Keep beatin’,

Cosmic Celeste