Dear Cosmic Celeste,


I have this girl best friend that I recently kinda started to have a crush on and I really just love being around her. I think she sometimes feels the same way but them sometimes not. I'm not sure how to see like if she would ever like me without making it weird. I am not wanting to like date date or anything but maybe. I know we both know we probably want to end up with a boy but I feel like for now it could be fun to hang out and stuff. What do you think is the best move to make? Do you think that it will just ruin the friendship and I should just let it go? Her being my friend is more important ya know! lol


Sincerely,

Lady Boner


What’s sizzling, Lady Boner?


Now, that is quite the predicament. Luckily, this is not my first rodeo when it comes to lady love, so you’re in luck.

A few years ago, I developed a major crush on my friend, Sunshine. She was everything a girl could want: smart, funny, perfect ass and titties. It was the dream! But I didn’t know if she felt the same way - or if she even liked girls. So, I decided to come up with a plan to find out.

Long story short, I hired a female prostitute and let her into Sunshine’s house without her knowing. The goal was simple: have the prostitute start hooking up with Sunshine and see if she’s into it. Luckily, Sunshine was sound asleep so it was the perfect time to experiment on her.


Now, I know what you’re thinking: “But Celeste, if she was asleep, how would you know she liked it?” Well, when Sunshine finally woke up, she screamed and pushed the prostitute off of her, which clearly meant that she was terrified by how much she liked it (as her best friend, I was super in tune with all of her thoughts and feelings).


But if you try out this plan on her, make sure you get a well-established prostitute. Turns out the one I got for Sunshine gave her chlamydia, and that might be why I haven’t heard from her in 10 years.


Also, you can causally interject lesbian hints here and there like, “Have you heard the new Sarah McLaughlin album? She does such great work with animals.”


Or, “I weighed myself last night, can’t believe what it said, it said everyone apparently falls somewhere on a sexuality scale from complete heterosexuality to complete homosexuality, isn’t that crazy?” Little hints like this can help drive the point home!

Then again, you could just have an open and honest conversation about how you feel about her and see what she says. But where’s the fun in that? You’ve gotta go big or go home!


Keep experimenting,

Cosmic Celeste