I'm A Scorpio. Please Stop Slut-Shaming Me



Zodiac signs are riddled with calculations of your intent, your behavior and how that relates to planetary alignment. It is great practice to judge someone off of their zodiac sign so you know about any potential red flags or behavioral misalignments.


When people find out that my birthday is near Halloween, their first question is automatically about my zodiac.


Not my love for Halloween.


Or Ghouls.


Or Candy.


Why is everyone more concerned about my zodiac instead of being highly concerned that I start planning my Halloween costume in JUNE?


When I finally move the conversation to what I want to talk about (Halloween), people automatically think because I'm a Scorpio that I'm going to be a "sexy" version of it, just because I'm sucking their finger while they talk.


A half dozen websites outline a Scorpio as a beacon of sexuality. It doesn't necessarily make it true; it also doesn't make it necessarily false.


But it doesn't warrant any grounds for slut-shaming.


I blame the websites for promoting sexual misinformation.


As a Scorpio - according to a bunch of sites I googled - my positive traits include:


  • Dominant

  • Passionate

  • Controlled


Thanks for making me automatically sound like a dominatrix.


I have never been so appropriately seen with occupational integration.


SEX WORK IS REAL WORK.


My clients know what they're getting into when they come see Madame Scorpino:


A tiny Italian woman who cannot be satisfied until someone cries.


It's 2019. Get with the program.


Scorpios are known for their "sexual prowess" and "energies."


My prowess is 3 active dating apps, a bathroom suite at Starbucks, and a fist full of hair I ripped out from the last guy that came in me that I keep as a token.


It was passionate.


It was careless.


It was done without a condom.


I had to keep the hair so I can paternity test it later.


Don't slut shame me for being prepared.


I am the embodiment of mysteriousness and I don't need to tell you how deep I am.


The energies that come from my genitalia are so concentrated that after I am through with a lover, I can charge an iPhone 5s.


Don't slut shame me when you ask if I have a charger and I masturbate with your phone. You were going to get HPV anyway.


Isn't this the Scorpio slut you wanted?


Because, I'm IT and I don't need you to tell me that it's inappropriate.


You're being inappropriate by making me feel judgement and shame for my intense sexuality which is a play-by-play cue card from the book of patriarchal studies.


Scorpios are known to be dominant in relationships.


It can make meals difficult if you cannot keep up with this sultry siren.


The ranch reminded me of cum.


Don't slut shame me as I shoot it on my chest so you can dip your pepperoni in it, Mr. Dominos Manager.


I'll be back later for my tip. AKA your tip. ;)


Don't slut shame me. I'm a scorpio. I can't help it.