Dear Cosmic Celeste,
I recently got married to my high school sweetheart. We were waiting to have sex until marriage because of our religious beliefs, but on our wedding night, as we were about to do the dirty deed, things got a little weird. He confessed that he’s really into klismaphilia - where you get aroused from putting liquids into your anus - and that he basically can’t get off without me giving him an enema. Um...ew! I thought this man was my Prince Charming, but I’m pretty sure Prince Charming never asked Cinderella to squirt hot water into his dirty butthole. What do I do, Celeste? Please help!!!
A Fecal Matter
Guten tag, Fecal Matter!
Oh boy, that is quite a stinker!
I can see how this would be a major roadblock in your sex life. And by “roadblock” I mean the blockage of feces up your husband’s tush that he so desperately wants you to take care of.
Listen, I understand your reservations about doing butt play, but squirting liquid into your husband's anus isn't as bad as it sounds. Back in college, I experimented with giving and receiving enemas, and I can confidently say it was some of the best sex of my life. Don’t knock it till you try it – or as we say in the klismaphilia community, “How far do you want this nozzle up your asshole?”
So, here’s my advice: Go ALL out. Take your man to a Taco Bell or a fish truck to get some grub, and he is guaranteed to get the runs. Now, I know what you’re thinking – “But Celeste, isn’t diarrhea going to kill the mood?” To which I say, “Hell no!” These things are the most pleasurable for a klismaphiliac.
Think of it as a “natural lubricant” that can only enhance the experience. Don’t be afraid to get your hands dirty. When the good stuff starts coming out, maybe lick some off his derriere or smear some of it on your nipples – you know, something that will show him how much you love and support him. After all, you didn't just marry his heart – you married his feces too.
Can't wait to hear about your enema endeavors! Looks like you found your Prince Charming after all! ;)