Saddle Up

Hi Cosmic Celeste,

My last lover died suddenly. Naturally, I am awash with grief. How can I best recover from this erotic setback, and get back on the horse, so to speak?


Purgatory Patricia

Top o’ the mornin’ to you, Purgatory Patricia.

Sheesh. My deepest condolences for your loss. Death can definitely be a bummer for having a good hard on. Last week, when my partner died in a mysterious yiffing accident, my sex drive went from a 10/10 to a 9.9. It was a major setback for me too.

I’m going to be real with you, Purgatory Patricia. To get back on the horse metaphorically, you need to get back on the horse literally. Like a real horse. Not a metaphor. If you don’t know how to ride a horse it’s totally fine because the horse is going to be riding you. Let the horse take you wherever it wants to go and continue this until your grief subsides.

I suggest crossing the border until you reach Canada. Unless your horse knows a shortcut and you can get to Canada through the woods. Either way, you'll definitely end up at a Tim Horton's and get a bavarian cream donut on the house, eh?

Also, you should never stop. Not even for food, water, or bathroom breaks. So I suggest not eating or drinking for a while so you won’t need to relieve yourself. Trust me, I’ve learned this from experience and it was not pretty. I’m talking diaper rash central. The chaffing was gnarly.

Whatever you do, DON’T go to Mexico. My friend Meadow galloped to the south of the border and accidentally started a drug war with two cartels. I hear there’s a movie in the making about it. I love happy endings!

If the grief comes back, find a new horse and go to a different place. Works every time.

I hope this helps!

Keep riding,

Cosmic Celeste