Woman's Healing Crystal Turns Out To Be Pet Rock

Tigard, OR - Local crystal enthusiast Barb Winters was shocked to discover that what she thought was a large moon stone turned out to be an original 1975 collectable Pet Rock.

Winters was using the stone to heal her body and mind when she stumbled upon the Pet Rock's training manual lodged beneath a worthless pile of opal.

“It just seemed weird. Why would I teach a stone I'm rubbing on my body how to shake hands? That's a red flag.” While it might have simply been a placebo, the Pet Rock seemingly did heal Winters in the end.

“I just can't believe it,” said Barb. “I thought it was the divine feminine energy of the moon stone that was healing me, but apparently hepatitis can just go away on its own.”

"That's actually not true," Winters' doctor told us, "she still has hepatitis and will forever."

Winters claims she purchased the rock from a local crystal dispensary called “True Blue Crystal Persuasions," but the store owner denies having any knowledge of the pet rock incident, adding “Hey man that store closed awhile ago.”

“It's just not right. I can only hope there isn't a sad soul out there taking a moon stone for a walk. That would be ridiculous,” said Winters as she rubbed a stone wearing kooky glasses in the area of her liver.

As for the Pet Rock's future, Winters has decided to adopt it. “I didn't expect another addition to the family, but the universal forces work in mysterious ways. Plus, I have plenty of room, now that I have finally dumped all of that disgusting opal.”

While the Pet Rock - now known as Sasha - may not have been what Winters initially wanted to buy, it's easy to see that it was what she needed to buy: a friend who lacks spiritual significance, but makes up for it in spirit.

Written by Seamus Millar.